Monday 26 January 2015

I. Am. Mother




This is a weird post. A post that describes a week in a manner that may get me haggled or stoned in the streets – but, I know some of you secretly wonder, or severely berate yourselves inwardly because of this.

I was tasked with looking after my two cousins, aged 13 and 10. This is far from a difficult age, in the idea that nappies, milk, waking hours, weeping, teething and constant care aren’t needed. I am not completely discounting the fact that I had a pubescent teen on my hands, and who happens to tower over me thanks to lengthy genes and 3-day-a-week-gymnastic bouts. Let’s not forget the 10-year-old who is at the age of gimmick-games, and who can be heard pit-patting through the house at 5am to play xBox quietly.

I was prepared, having looked after these two a few times when they were babies, we’re family, I can handle it. HA! Was I wrong! I made it to Thursday till I completely cracked in half, weeping to my mother on the phone as she laughed back, I could almost hear her nodding in sweet revenge and thinking rather too loudly “I had the same thing with you”...

I wanted to write this post, not to pick apart how horrendous these kids behaved – because they were incredibly well-behaved, up and ready for school, and even though I had to ask a few times they always came to help with chores, but which kids don’t need coaxing with chores.

I wanted this post to explore the idea of parenting (and possible parenting for me). I am at that age where people now ask me at family gatherings or at events (even though I am single) “So, when are you going to start having kids?” My Dad would be over the moon if I announced, in whatever situation I find myself, that I was pregnant – I can almost hear him boasting loudly and tap dancing with joy.

So, I found myself as a single-mom to two kids for one week. It astounds me how any mother, single or married, or even dating/divorcee, gets anything done. I am running on about eight hours sleep since last week Friday, I have had one shirt destroyed to tomato-sauce; accomplished only 10kms of running (dismal!); spent money so rapidly on things such as washing powder and flip files; I have washed countless dishes to the extent my hands are cracking; my nails are bitten to the quick; the kids haven’t managed to eat one bowl of veggies; and we still have two Afrikaans speeches to write. And that all happened after work...

It’s astounding how emotionally available mothers are required to be, how confident they need to be as kids speak honestly about the lumpy-parmesan-mash they refuse to eat after slaving over it, the constant stress of if you’re late picking them up from school - someone will take them, trusting them to wash behind their ears and not send rude messages to their friends. You need more than monetary resources at your fingertips, almost willing an extra hour out of the already 24 just so you can have a bath.

There were amazing rewards after all the hocus-pocus of stress and emotional instability on my part – I watched the 10 year-old create a speech about superheroes, hitting the reader with the age-old question: Are you a hero or a coward, your actions will decide? I got to give the 13-year-old her prefect blazer – almost completely cracking on stage refusing to allow her to grow up (I even assured her – and myself – that she wouldn’t trip on stage).

It’s fun, and rewarding watching these humans evolve and learn and possibly become great forces in this world – it gets lost in the minute details that they haven’t done their chores, or talk-back, or just don’t listen.

I walk away from this week with a new understanding, respect and reverence for mothers; however this truly gives me the power of certainty that I am far too selfish to have kids, now. Purely because I don’t have the support emotionally from anyone – nor financially – nor am I ready to abdicate time and energy to someone other than myself. 

If I am going to raise a child, I want to be the best version of myself when doing it; every woman should get that option...



 

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